I want to walk on stilts...naked
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
