I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
