ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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