Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
