You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
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In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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