Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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