I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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