I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
