So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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