you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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