: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
