i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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