maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
