Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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