Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
