new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
