worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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