so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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