Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you never un-have a 4some
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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