HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
