brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I need to sanitize my soul.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
