I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
