I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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