I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
