Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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