Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
