why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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