whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
