no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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