I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
