alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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