The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
