dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
