hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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