He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have already put on my inside pants.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
