Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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