I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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