Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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