Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
