i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
