i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
