Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
