yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize