real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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