Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
