I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
