I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
