My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
