god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
