You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
