I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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