Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
