I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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