Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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