I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
just found out that she named her cat after me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
