my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
