yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
