the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT