I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.