I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink