just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him