were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.